The last word that we have after seeing our friends is bye... We might meet again after the word or we might not as we do not know what will happen after we last meet them on that day itself...
Last Saturday, chat with Hui Mei.... She currently selling a Sony camera as she wants to buy a Canon camera... I tag at her pic of her camera saying that i barely see her used that.. She replied you barely hang out with me....
I am totally dumbstruck with the comment she left... I do not know what to reply but just have to accept what she say... I leave her with my last messenger on the MSN saying that I want to but I can't...
I want to hang out alot.. In fact I am desperate to hang out with friends... But usually I am not invited for any hang outs from the people that I know.. And definitely my invitation is not accepted when I invite anyone of them out...
So how the hell can I understand or maybe know what you people have done or what... I am not trying to say that I have never been invited before.. But it had never gone well as in the end the hang out is being cancelled.... I just stare into face forcing myself to accept the fact that the outing is cancelled..
This few days, I do not know whats the cause of being uncomfortable with my classmates and peers... Maybe I have get used to not seeing them after 2 weeks and had get used in being alone?
I fear in losing of friends.... Each time I want to make one, I will hesitate.. Maybe Chao Ya is right... I am a coward...
I fear... That they might not like me and in the end I piss them off .. Instead of making them happy, they are irritated... Instead of helping them, I create more trouble...
When I start to think too much, it is a sign that I am going to lose a friend soon... Because slowly but surely, I will not communicate with them and feel awkward and shy when I meet them...
I really do not understand... Sometimes I want to clear my doubt so I can communicate with them easily again.. But I scared when I cleared it with questions, they will feel that I am crazy and ignore me eventually... The point I am thinking too much is also because I do not hear any response when I talk to them or sms them...
Isit common to think that? I mean when they do not reply after countless of msg will make u think why right? I dunno...
Today I went back to CO.... My presence is not really being acknowledge there.. What hurts the most is some just walk past like I am invisible.. Now I can roughly understand why some of the alumni never come to CO agn...
I miss the time I am in there playing the instrument that I interested in... But seeing the picture hurts me... As this is also the place that my emotional side starts to surface...
I am aimless... How I wished I can meet someone hold on to their hand and let them lead me the way to their hearts... I find myself hard to help others anymore.. As now, I need help...
It is easy to be a listening ear... But it is not easy for you to find someone where you can pour your heart and soul into it... Trust is the key... But no one trust me neither I can find someone that I can trust.....
Finding someone who trust me is hard.. If they trust me, I eventually will trust them to listen to my problems too...