The days just go day by day just like that... And now is already the Month of December... How time really flies...
I thought I have change when I reach Poly.. I still faced the same problem.. My negativeness have really make me a more unhappy person... Just a few profanities from Max, makes me think I am out from his circle altogether, which include Ting Yu, Wei Shan and all... Mood Swing at the start of the new block...
Its just hard to control my emotions and thinking... Like what Chen Wei had said, I cannot be too comfortable with one person as I will take them for granted.. I have friends, thats what I keep on tell myself in my mind. But who is another question in my mind. Is this consider as friends? Or acquaintances? Why am I so picky with strangers who want to make friends when I need friends too?
I am too awkward and shy.. Its just so weird that I am able to chat freely with all my Secondary schoolmates whom I am not so used to, And now in Poly I have problem trying to have a normal conversations with my schoolmates... Its either me or they are feeling the same way as me too.. I always feel that my conversations with girls are always a yes and no conversations. All those one word reply or a little explanation done.
I cant find anything common to talk to anyone. I cant converse well with my seniors and all I cant find any common topic to talk with.. I chat with Angel about this problem ... She said if no one makes the first move in starting a conversation , it will never start. True to that...
Its me. I feel that Ka Yan like find me irritating after the Marathon . But there is nothing to prove it. I dunno how to explain this feelings in weird. It just so vexed thinking about it. Yesterday, Ellie and Jia jing decided to write Christmas Notes to DSC members, Ka Yan decided to do it too. She make two hand bracelet for the both of them but I am there too.. Maybe in her mind she dun plan to make one for me at all.. To comfort myself, I keep on tell myself that she has class to attend to , thats why no time make the third one for me at that point of time...
Talking about Ellie, I always see her online den have some *casual* conversations with her online .. Its like I still cant find any topic that can amuse her and chat with her about it... When I see her, I am totally dumbfounded and dunno wad to say. Shy in one corner... Unless she meets my eye, I wouldn't have the courage to say Hi to her and smile.. She came in to LOFT just now to find someone for her survey.. She ask Ka Yan and then Didi who was sitting beside me... Not me...
I really dunno why am I so sensitive to such stuff.. It is just so minor problems but i am so sensitive towards it... I can only think of one reason.. It is because I care as they are the people I want to make friends with.. Thats why I care these details ...
I have no fashion sense and a bit dull in dressing and all.. Something that stand outs from my overall physique is my height... Angel mention before that sometimes a person will initiate a conversations because they want to something about the person.. I wonder when will I have that chance..
Seeing Eudora and Ellie initiate the chat to Adib makes me envy.. Now lets talk about studies...
I certainly hope that I can focus more... All I need is my comfortable zone... Here I have an assignment on hand to do to and I am blogging my feelings away here... Shall start now..